Normal Lunchtime Conversations Between Friends

A boy, Robbie, and a girl, Pip, walk together in their university’s dining hall at lunch time, each holding a bowl of cereal. They slide into opposite sides of a booth.

Robbie: So how are you and the stalker boy?

Pip: He’s not a stalker boy.

Robbie: He sound’s like he’s close enough.

Pip: Yeah, he probably is. But you don’t really have to worry about him snatching me away anymore.

Robbie: Ooh, what did you do? Did you punch him and scare him away? No, did you tell him you want kids right away like I told you?

Pip: Okay, that was terrible advice. He probably would have agreed.

Robbie: Well what happened?

Pip: He got a girlfriend.

Robbie: When? He was just texting you two days ago!

Pip: Yesterday. He was asking me if I wanted to go out with him on Saturday, and then by the next day... I don’t know, but he found one somewhere.

Robbie: Did he tell you this? How do you know?

Pip: Lizzie told me. 

Robbie: God, Lizzie.

Pip: I told her it’s the last time she tries to set me up with someone.

Robbie: Good!

Pip: (confused) Why are you so interested in him anyway? You’ve never met him, you don’t know what he’s like.

Robbie: Well I know what you tell me, and “probably” being a stalker is enough for me to not like him.

Pip: (stirring in her bowl) But you know I don’t like him either, I don’t want anything to do with him, he’s a creep.

Robbie: Yeah, and so he needs to stay away from you.

(The conversation breaks as the two silently take a few bites of cereal.)

Pip: God, I’m so replaceable. 

Robbie: I thought you didn’t like him.

Pip: I don’t, but still... it sure didn’t take him long to move on. I’m just replaceable.

Robbie: That’s sad.

Pip: It’s true. It’s happened to me so many times this year. 

Robbie: How many?

Pip: Three.

(They both stir around in their cereal)

Robbie: Maybe one of them didn’t mean to?

Pip: What are you talking about?

Robbie: One of the guys... who replaced you. Maybe one of them didn’t know what he was doing.

Pip: Doesn’t matter.

Robbie: But if he didn’t mean to...

Pip: It still hurts like hell. Even if he didn’t mean to. It still hurts to be with him.

Robbie: Well I’m glad at least you finally ditched stalker boy.

Pip: Thanks.

(The cereal bowls are empty by now, but they continue to look down and stir the remaining milk.)

Robbie: I dumped her last night.

Pip: (jerking her head up) What??

Robbie: She cheated on me.

Pip: (turns head to look out window) Wow...

Robbie: No “Are you okay?” or anything?

Pip: I’m sorry. Are you okay? Really. I know you... really liked her.

Robbie: I’ll be fine.

Pip: But you’re not.

Robbie: I really really like her. You don’t... you don’t know how much it hurts.

(She puts her spoon down and sees that he already has.)

Pip: (curtly) You’re right, I don’t know what it feels like to be cheated on. But I think everyone knows what it’s like to really really like someone and have them not think as much of you.

Robbie: (looking down) Yeah.

Pip: (nicer) And it does really hurt.

(They pick their spoons up again)

Robbie: What do you want him to do?

Pip: Who are you talking about?

Robbie: The one who replaced you. The one who didn’t mean it. What do you want him to do to fix it?

Pip: God, I don’t know... I guess... I just want him to know that I’m trying to get over him, but it hasn’t happened yet.

Robbie: Anything else?

Pip: And that sometimes I feel like trash to him, and that’s hard. 

Robbie: Stop feeling like trash. You’re not trash to me.